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30 March 2011 @ 06:42 pm
shortfic: 'Remus and I...' Remus/Tonks [PG/K]  
Title: ‘Remus and I...’
Author: Moonshape
Fandom: Harry Potter, (DH movie version (SPOILERS))
Pairing: Remus/Tonks
Rating: PG/K
Word count: 912
Spoilers: Spoilers DH part 1
Summary: Remus and Tonks return home after the Seven Potter’s scene and Remus contemplates about what to do about Tonks’ pregnancy.
Disclaimer: Story is mine. Harry Potter and its characters belong to JKR. Movie materials to WB. No profit made. Just for fun.

Remus had been glad when Mad-Eye had interrupted Tonks tonight. She had wanted to tell the others about her pregnancy, about which Remus didn’t whole-heartily agree with.

It was something he was embarrassed about – something he wished he could hide from the others for the rest of their lives. He had made her pregnant and if there was one thing he knew well about Nymphadora, it was that she would never get rid of the child. She wanted all of this – him and a family. But Remus wasn’t ready and he feared he never would be. His kind never breed and he was putting her in danger. There weren’t any cases known about a woman getting pregnant by a werewolf. It seemed so inhuman and he feared it might take her life. And if she survived – she would be mothering his bastard child.

It would be an abomination – like him.

‘Remus?’ She asked, and his eyes focused on hers. They were sitting in the kitchen of his flat in Croyden, drinking tea. His face, hands and shirt were still stained with George’s blood, but he was still too shaken to clean himself up. George had been his responsibility and he had failed to protect the lad. But Mad-Eye’s death was the last straw.

He and Kingsley had gone to search for the body – but had been unable to find it. According to Bill’s words, it had happened quite soon after they had set off. But even with the use of magic, they hadn’t found it.

They had given up and he had returned home, where Dora had been waiting for him with the tea.

‘Are you alright?’ She asked, tilting her head slightly and frowning.

‘’I’m fine,’ he lied, his hand shaking as he brought his mug to his lips.

‘You don’t look that fine, sweetheart,’ she said quietly, wrapping her hands around her mug.

‘I’m fine,’ he repeated, finishing his tea before getting up and setting the mug down in the sink. He could feel her eyes burning in the back of his head. He placed his hands on the sink, dropping his gaze.

There was water dripping out of the tap, and he found an obsessive interest in watching it fall down on the silver enamel of the sink.

‘Remus?’ She asked, and he heard her chair being pushed back as she got up. He felt her arms glide past his hips as she wrapped her arms around his waist, her lips against his shoulder blade.

He was shaking slightly, a fierce battle going on inside his head as he tried to figure out what was best to say. He wanted to spit it all out – tell her she had to get rid of the child and that they had to split up. He was ruining her life, but she was still young enough to start over with someone younger, wealthier and more handsome. Someone without his disease.

But he couldn’t. So he didn’t.

‘Mad-Eye,’ was what he muttered. He knew it was an excuse but it was a factor that was also bothering him. When Dumbledore had died, Mad-Eye had been their best fighter for the Order. Now that he was gone too, Remus wondered if it was even be possible to win this war now. Even though Albus had told him and Kingsley to trust Harry, Remus doubted if the boy himself knew he could defeat Voldemort, now that they had lost two of the best wizards around.

‘I know,’ she said, pressing her mouth against his back now. Her voice sounded hollow and upset. ‘What do you think they’ve done with him?’

‘I don’t want to imagine what they can do to him now he’s – gone,’ Remus had replied, disgusted by the idea of taking a dead man’s body and using it for some purpose which was yet unknown to them. He couldn’t imagine what use his body would be to them anyway, but he feared it would be unimaginable and unthinkable.

Tonks rubbed his back as the both of them were silent for some moments. ‘Let’s go to bed, alright?’ she said softly. He nodded and she let her hand glide down his back before she turned and left the kitchen. He heard her go upstairs, and when he heard the bedroom door close, he pulled open a cupboard and took a glass off one of the shelves. He opened another cupboard and took out the bottle of Firewhiskey. He poured himself a triple and drained it at once, placing his hands on the counter and staring down at the empty glass.

What the hell was he going to do? He had to leave her. But he couldn’t. He was selfish enough to know he loved her. He had been alone for years, and he had genuinely thought he could be happy with her. But he had never realised he wouldn’t be able to make her happy. Not only was he poor, he suffered from lycanthropy; he would die a lot younger than her. He knew at one point during his life, his disease would kill him from exhaustion. He would leave her forever.

So, he figured, it would be best to leave now and give her the time to resettle. Now she was still young. Child or no child.

But he also figured that tonight wasn’t the night. He didn’t know when the time would be right to leave, but he promised himself he would.