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17 April 2010 @ 05:11 pm
Short fiction: The Raven (Jonas/Charles)  
Titel: The Raven
Author: Moonshape
Rated: R
Pairing: Charles McFeral/Jonas Eberhardt
Warning: Male relationship. Mind play
Words: 2775
Note: Charles McFeral belongs to Moonshape, Jonas Eberhardt to Gesundheit!

‘Now the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of arice just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Will be lifted - nevermore!’
The Raven, Omnia

It is during the long hours of the night when I wonder about my life. My sleep deprivation has reached a state in which I don’t even try to sleep anymore – not when I know Jonas won’t be around. I won’t sleep without him, so I don’t even try to fall asleep myself.

My room is no longer my prison. I have nowhere to flee to and my teachers know this. There are no bars before my window, nor is my door made of steel. But even though the room is not my prison anymore, I still feel a captive in this house. I’m not allowed to go free. I can’t eat when I want to. I can’t make decisions on my own.

Although I am not their prisoner anymore, the vampires still treat me like vermin. I am something vile to them. I am a beast and a monster. They act polite to me, and we often share a good laugh. But I can still see their faces cringe when my scent reaches their nose.

But as much as I want to leave, I will not do so. I feel afraid for the outside world and I wouldn’t know where to go. I feel safe in this house, even though it is this residence where I was born and where I will probably stay for the rest of my life.

I do not fear death anymore. But I used to – when I was still happy. There was a time when any threat of death and disease would make be shudder, afraid that misfortune would end the happy life I once had.

Now, death doesn’t scare me. I try to make myself think that when I die, I will be with the people I love again. I know the thought is rubbish, and I don’t really believe it myself. But it is what I hope. I hope to be with them again when I die, and that time cannot come too early. I know that I at least have another twenty years to go, as the average werewolf lifespan is around sixty. But I await death with open arms.

And tonight is like any other night. Long and boring. Jonas has told me to pick up a study or something, to keep myself occupied during these hours. So that is what I do now. I took up a history course – the very same I never finished when I was twenty.

But as I sit in my room, behind the new desk I got as a present last week for my good behaviour, I cannot find the will to study. My eyes often flash towards the bronze pocket watch that’s sitting on my desk. Passed midnight. I sigh.

It’s my birthday. At least, that’s what the vampires call it. My real birthday was in May, but we never celebrated that. To the vampires, you will see the day you were born as your birthday. My birthday is on September 4th. It was the night I first transformed. But that also means that I’ve been away from home for a year. And away from my family.

It’s been a year, and tonight, I’ve never felt so lonely or far away from home. I know this is still London, and that my house would only be an hour away – but I have nothing there. Somebody probably has sold it already. I never went back there after that night. Christmas Day.

With another deep sigh, I sit back in my chair, the memory of their dead bodies lying in the house, haunting my nightmares. Jonas has been trying to teach me to push away these thoughts but I can’t. I can’t forget. Jonas keeps telling me they’ve never left me – that they are still in my heart. But I’ve never felt as alone as tonight.

The house has been quiet all day already. I don’t know where my vampire teachers are, and I don’t care. I don’t need their attention right now. And even though I feel alone, I don’t want their company – not even Jonas’.

The first sound I hear tonight is an odd series of tapping. I look around at my door, which is half-open. I peer around it, but there is no one who knocked on my door. I must have mistaken the sound for someone knocking on my door.

I look away from the door, my eyes focused on the window. It’s pitch dark outside. I can’t even see the lights of the city. The forest seems like a solid mass of blackness. A black hole. There is nothing. I leave my chair and lean my hands on the windowsill, looking out of the window. Now that my eyes are closer to the window, I can distinguish the shape of the trees of the forest. If I concentrate, I can hear the leaves and animals move around.

And for some reason, one word escaped my mouth: ‘Lilya’. I say her name often when I’m alone. I always hope it will give me strength. But it won’t this time. So I turn away from the window where I hear the same rapid tapping.

Is it the wind? I wonder as I turn to the window. Is there something hitting on my window? I walk back to the window, thinking it surely was the wind. I open the window and before I can stick my head out to feel if there is any wind, a large, black, bird soars in, making me yelp in surprise and I jump back. My heart-rate quickens and I feel the adrenaline pour into my body. I take deep breaths as I watch the bird land on top of my door.

I know that bird, so I groan out of frustration as I close the window again. It wasn’t the wind. The bird had been tapping on my window. I turn my back to the window and I lean against the sill as I look up at the bird, which sits perched on my door. It’s looking down at me, its head slightly tilled and one eye narrowed – as if it has raised an eyebrows; something Jonas would have done as well.

A faint smile appears on my face, knowing this is Jonas. This man has multiple forms, and this is him as a raven. A large, black, ominous bird which might frighten an ordinary human. The raven is too big for an average raven, because this is no average raven. This raven – is my lover.

But my smile soon disappears as I suddenly begin to recognize what’s going on here. The tapping – the door – the window – and now that raven sitting on my door. This is Jonas playing a trick on me, and I know exactly what sort of trick this is.

He’s making me remember Lilya. She loved ravens – and she loved ‘The Raven’ by Edgar Allen Poe. This is exactly what Jonas is doing – I know him too well for that now.

‘STOP IT!’ I say as I throw my arms into the air, trying to scare the bird away. But it remains sitting on my door. ‘GET OFF, JONAS!’

The bird shakes its feathers, making it look puffy and bigger than it really is – as if it’s offended. But it spreads its wings and jumps off my door, soaring towards the ground. But before the bird lands on the floor, a puff of smoke fills my room and Jonas emerges from it – standing at the spot where the bird would have landed.

Jonas smirks at me before he pockets his left hand while he pushed the door closed with his right. I see him turn the lock and I frown. He’s up to something – I know he is.

‘Happy birthday,’ Jonas says as he leans against the door, pocketing his other hand as well.

‘Shut it!’ I snap at him as I cross my arms. I’m not amused with his little play. He knew Lilya liked ravens. He’s mocking me with the aim to hurt me again. The git!

But Jonas only chuckles as he walks over to my desk, looking down at my books.
‘Ah – how’s it going?’ he asks as he browses through the pages of one of my books.

‘Shitty,’ I snap. ‘Now go away.’

‘Charles, Charles,’ Jonas says as he shakes his head, taking off his glasses and placing them down on my desk, right next to my bronze watch. ‘This is your first birthday – we should celebrate.’

‘Celebrate that it’s my first year as that beast?’ I say as I cross my arms tighter around my chest. I feel my anger rise again and the wolf in my chest growl.

‘If you like to call it that,’ Jonas says, strolling back to the door.

‘Yes,’ I say, nodding my head. ‘Yes – I like to call it like that.’. That thing has ruined my life.

‘Whatever you want,’ Jonas says. ‘You don’t value the fact that we met a year ago?’

‘No,’ I answer without hesitation. ‘No, I don’t.’

Jonas narrows his eyes and I see he’s trying hard to not lose his temper with me. I don’t know how he values the idea, but I do not feel attached to it at all. I never wanted this. And even though Jonas has given me lots of pleasure, I still hate him and this life I’m living now. I know I shouldn’t blame Jonas since he has kept others safe from me. But it was he who took me away from my family. My feelings towards him are mixed and I often feel a great hate for the man but also a great deal of gratefulness and respect.

My hate for him is the cause of my violent outbursts. I can lose control within a tenth of a second. But we’re used to that now. My human mind is stronger than the wolf’s, so we have nothing to fear. I am completely in control and it hardly ever happens that I lose myself. We don’t fear the wolf anymore – I am stronger.

But I’m becoming angry again. Jonas always own the ability to annoy me just by being around me. It is only when he touches me that I calm down. I love him when he touches me. I hate him when he doesn’t.

‘You could have used the door,’ I say as a long silence followed after my last words. ‘Not – not the window.’

‘I knew this would draw your attention.’ Jonas says as he raises an eyebrow and looks sideways at the window. He feels content by his little show. ‘Lilya did the same thing.’

‘Don’t go there,’ I say, pointing at him. I don’t want him to talk about Lilya. I don’t allow him. ‘You’re playing a game here, aren’t you?’

‘What if I were?’ Jonas asks, turning his head back to look at me.

I can’t answer him. All I can say is that I don’t like it, but Jonas won’t care that I don’t.

‘Lilya would have liked it – ravens, remember?’ and he smirks, baring his teeth.

I snap. I lunge myself at Jonas and my hands close around his throat. It’s not me who tries to strangle him – it’s the wolf. I can’t help it. But I am stronger so I’d never really hurt him. I know he doesn’t need oxygen, so strangling is pointless – but it’s something the wolf doesn’t realize.

Jonas only smirks like he always does – because I’m weak. Or because I’m strong. If I wouldn’t posses so much self-control, the wolf would have killed him. I never know whether Jonas wants me to snap completely for once, or whether he’s proud that I manage to keep such control over the beast.

And it is his touch that calms me down again and as my anger subsides, my adrenaline remains and I need to do something with that. I see Jonas’ face straighten as he knows what I’m going to do. I see him pull his muscles in his jaw and a purr escapes my chest before I slam my mouth against his.

I close my hand around his chin and I push his head to the side, scraping my lower-teeth passed his jaw. I could kill him – right now. I could sink my teeth into his flesh and tear him apart. But I won’t. I love him.

I kiss him violently, my hands releasing his neck but my fingers lingering around his collar, undoing the buttons of his shirt. Jonas is chuckling while he begins to unbutton mine and I push him harder against the door.

‘Shut up,’ I growl and I push his suspenders down.

‘Your temper amuses me,’ Jonas says as he reaches the last button of my shirt. ‘Always has.’

I growl again, rather threateningly but Jonas continues to grin at me.

‘You think you’re so unpredictable,’ Jonas purrs back as he rips my shirt of my body. ‘But you’re not. Not to me.’

‘Shut up!’ I repeat with a growl, grabbing Jonas by his arms, wheeling him around and pushing him down on the bed, crawling on top of him as I pull his shirt off as well. I hate it when he talks during this.

‘Calm, Charles,’ Jonas says as he takes my face between his hands. He senses I’m too angry for this. But his palms on my cheeks bring me back to my normal self. I still feel anger, but I don’t feel the need to hurt him anymore. He looks at me, as if he’s listening for my heart-rate to calm. But it won’t return to being normal. I’m too aroused for that – and Jonas notices this so he smirks. ‘Gut,’ he says as his hands slide away from my cheeks to my neck where he grabs my hair and pulls me down rather violently to kiss me.

I growl because he’s a hypocrite. He wants me calm while he himself can be as rough as he wants too. It’s his game of dominance, because I have to obey. Even if I take initiative, it has to happen like he wants it to, because he’s my teacher. He’s in charge all the time. He lets me be on top just because he wants to receive as well. I will never be the dominant factor in our relationship – not even if we flee away from the Council and its rules.

I unbuckle his belt as we kiss, our sharp teeth scraping past each other’s lips and skin. I feel how Jonas moves his hands down from my hair passed my shoulders and he runs the fingernails of those long, spider-like fingers over my skin. I shudder uncontrollably. Jonas chuckles again and mutters almost unintelligibly: ‘Good pup.’

I growl again. I hate it when he calls me dog names. I’m not a dog and I don’t want to be associated with them. He humiliates me all the time and I can’t stand it. But I have to swallow it because he’s in charge.

I open his trousers, then I sit back to open mine. He takes his own trousers off himself while I struggle with mine. Once released from them I crawl back on top of his lap and place my hands on his neck again, kissing him hungrily.

He moans as our erections touch, his cold breath hitting my face. I love the fact that he’s so cold. It can be rather uncomfortable sometimes but at moment like these it’s a nice extra bit of pleasure His cold breath is against my hot skin. If I do the same to him, he would experience the same feeling. My warm breath against his cold skin. It’s these little things that turn me on incredibly.

I still don’t understand how it can happen that a vampire – a man – can turn me on. I had been married for fifteen years and never looked at another man with desire. I still don’t think I’m into men – just him.

‘Happy birthday,’ Jonas breathes as his hand takes my erection into his, rubbing his own against it.

‘Shut it,’ I croak down at him

Jonas bares his pointy teeth in a smile and speaks: ‘Nevermore.’ 
Current Mood: amusedamused