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06 April 2010 @ 08:00 pm
Aviary | Stop  
romance, drama.
Rated: R/NC-17

Al though my kids had returned home, I didn’t stop drinking. I didn’t even hide it from them. Alfie played outside all day and Abigail played a lot with her dollhouse. As long as I managed to prepare a good meal, I was satisfied.

I never ate with them, for I was still on microwave dinners. I didn’t want to take care of myself anymore. I didn’t need it. My kids did, but I didn’t. So I kept drinking.

Hangovers were inevitable for me, and I was always in a bad mood – at both school and at home. I tried to see my kids as little as possible because I was afraid I would take it out on them. I didn’t want them to suffer from my grief as well.

It wasn’t long before my deputy-head found out I wasn’t well, and sent me home to deal with my grieving. But I couldn’t. Instead, I would drink more, barely able to pick the kids up from school. I was lucky their school was across the street because driving would be impossible. But this also gave me an opportunity to drink.

And then there was the frustration. I missed her so much. I wanted to hold and kiss my wife, but I couldn’t. When I was drunk I would often masturbate and think of her. But most of the time, I couldn’t even get it up – because I was so drunk. But when I did, I would often cry as my orgasm subsided. I would feel guilty and miserable and I always decided after such moments that I would change my life. But it never happened. I was in a chicken-and-egg situation and I couldn’t get myself out of it.

I needed a shag. Ah good, rough shag. But I couldn’t. I had no one. I didn’t want to hire a prostitute because that would be degrading and cost me my job is anyone found out. I couldn’t go out at night because I had my children around. I was forbidden to shag.

‘You shouldn’t drink that much,’ Matthew spoke after he had asked me for money to buy new bird food. ‘You drink too much.’

I gaped at the boy which probably made me look stupid. Was he telling me off for drinking?

‘None of your sodding business,’ I grunted as I took a tener from my wallet. I gave it to Matthew but he didn’t leave. He just looked at me and I felt uncomfortable.

‘What?’ I snapped angrily at him.

‘You really shouldn’t.’

‘Matthew,’ I said as I rubbed my brow. ‘You’re taking care of my birds, not of me – now go.’

Matthew looked down at the ground and suddenly looked rather sad.

‘People will get hurt,’ he said with frowned brows.

‘No, they won’t – I will make sure of it.’

‘How can you if you’re drunk all the time?’

‘I can control it.’

‘Like when you almost killed yourself,’ and he looked up at me and I was a bit shocked that his stern face was filled with anger. I had to end this conversation right now.

‘Go buy the bird food, Matthew,’ I told him and I closed the garden door before he had the chance to say anything else.

I felt annoyed by what the boy had said, so the first thing I did was takethe bottle of Scotch again. I felt glad my children weren’t home so I could be alone. But the more I drank the more I realized how much I hated to be alone. I wanted her back. I needed my Valerie. I damned God for taking her away from me, even though I never believed in him. But he had taken her away from me – that was the only explanation I could think of.

An hour passed and I noticed Matthew had returned. He was in the aviary, feeding the birds. I watched him move around and suddenly felt a rush of guilt going through me. I didn’t know why he had said that to me – it clearly wasn’t his business. Or did he care? I couldn’t imagine that since he was only taking care of my birds. We weren’t friends at all. I wondered if there was more behind it so I got up from my chair, swaying and knowing I was rather drunk. But even though my balance was disturbed, I felt I had to know what it was that bothered this boy.

I entered the garden and Matthew only briefly looked at me, his face looking rather disgusted when he noticed how off balance I was.

‘Hey,’ I said as I leaned against the aviary.

Matthew didn’t answer.

‘Can I come in?’

Matthew turned slightly to look at me. I knew it must have sounded stupid. First, it was my aviary and second, there was only chicken fence separating us. I wasn’t talking against a door he had just shut in my face.

But Matthew didn’t answer so I stepped into the aviary. Matthew continued to feed the birds.

‘Is there something wrong, Matthew?’ I asked.

‘No,’ Matthew said briefly as he closed the bag with bird food.

‘Why did you tell me that – earlier?’

‘I just think it’s something you should know,’ Matthew muttered as he pocketed his hands and leaned against the side of the aviary. I looked at him for a long moment, taking in his features and his appearance.

He wore battered All Stars – I could see his green socks through the holes that appeared at the side of the shoes. His trousers were worn off the hem as if they were too long and he had stepped on them as he walked. His green army coat was old and worn out as well, the hems of his sleeves in the same state as the hem of his trousers. He had dark hollows underneath his eyes, which were a mix between green and grey. His hair was sandy, messy and unkempt, almost greasy looking. I at once wondered if this boy took good care of himself.

‘Then why do you bother?’ I asked.

‘I don’t – you should think of your children.’

This was where I grew angry. Was he telling me how to raise my kids? Now I know he wasn’t, but at that moment, I misinterpreted it.

‘Listen, Matthew,’ I said as I raised a warning finger and I stepped closer. ‘It’s none of your business!’

‘I know it isn’t,’ he muttered, still not looking at me. ‘But – it’s bad for your children.’

‘Stop talking about my kids, Matthew,’ I warned him. ‘They are not your concern.’

‘THEY ARE IF YOU DRINK LIKE AN ALCOHOLIC!’ he suddenly shouted and looked me in the eyes, fire and rage visible in them and I was rather taken aback by it. But I was so drunk that I acted like a drunk and I slapped him in the face – hard.

Something rushed through me. Rage. Anger. Sadness. But at the same time, I felt regret. Guilt. Worry. But as drunk as I was, I did what I needed most. I seized the lad by his arms and slammed him against the wall of the aviary, causing the birds to screech and flutter around and I jammed my lips against his.

I don’t know what came over me – but I had been fantasizing about this when I wasn’t thinking of Val. I needed that boy because looking at him made me feel aroused. And I didn’t care whether he agreed or not.

And he certainly didn’t agree. He struggled and pushed me away. But as I was taller and bigger, I was stronger so I pushed him back against the fence, throwing my arms around him after he turned his back to me. I brought him to the ground as he struggled and shouted but I grabbed him roughly by the neck, making him cringe with pain.

But he struggled, and pleaded for me to stop. But I didn’t. Instead, I pressed myself against him, reaching to his front and undoing his trousers. As soon as I had free range, I forced my hand into his pants and touched him. As soon as my hand closed around his cock, he stopped struggling and exclaimed in a loud moan. I began to stroke him and was surprised to feel he was hardening. But it kept me going.

I pushed his coat and shirt up, exposing his naked back and began to kiss it. I bit his skin and scraped my teeth on his spine. With my free hand, I began to undo my own trousers, lowering them down. I did the same with his trousers and pants drove my finger into his anus, making him whimper and moan. I wondered if he was enjoying it but I didn’t care if he didn’t. I’ve always been rather selfish with sex and he wasn’t an exception.

I penetrated him with my fingers and stroked his cock with my other hand. I felt his body growing weak underneath me so I stopped and pressed my own rock hard cock into him. He cried loudly and I breathed into his ear that he had to be quiet.
I rammed into the lad, not realizing someone could see or even hear us. I was in a trance and didn’t think about what I was putting at stake, or what Matthew was thinking about this. I just did it.

He didn’t last long before he came into my hand and after a few more penetrations, I came as well. I came with a whimper-like moan, feeling relieved of the pressure I had felt. I had needed this so much and actually coming into someone felt as if a great weight was dropped off my shoulders.

I collapsed onto the lad, who pushed me away. I looked at him with confusion but he had his back turned to me. He pulled up his trousers and buckled up and left the aviary and my garden. I didn’t have the strength to go after him so I let him go, slowly starting to realize I had just raped someone.

Prologue | Melopsittacus undulates | Matthew Parker | Ethanol | The Bard | Stop